Friday, March 12, 2010
Joke of the Day-Maharajpur English
Joke a day keeps Doctor away
There is a popular proverb. “An apple a day keeps the Doctor away”. However, with the increase in price of apple (Not cost), many people find it difficult to practice it. At the prevailing price rate, it require Rupees 100/= per day for an overage family to keep the doctor away. Considering the price fluctuation, leave, absence etc average monthly expenditure on apple will be Rupees 2000/= per month. Based on the theory of averages (statisticians please excuse remembering the popular maxim “Lies, damned lies and statistics”) monthly expenditure on food items will be Rupees fifty thousand.
In order to overcome this problem, a new formula has been evolved ie; a joke a day keeps the doctor away. This is absolutely free. No registration charges and no monthly subscription. Occasionally or regularly a word or few words of appreciation or depreciation is welcome.
Joke of the day –Maharajpur (Ghaziabad) English
Some typical Maharajpur English is given below:
Both of you three are going alone?
You came just now or after some time?
How you are cutting time?
He simply passed away without wishing me
Bekar Aadmi =Carless Person(Jiske pas car nahi hai)
Unbearable Summer = Summer without beer
I
There is a popular proverb. “An apple a day keeps the Doctor away”. However, with the increase in price of apple (Not cost), many people find it difficult to practice it. At the prevailing price rate, it require Rupees 100/= per day for an overage family to keep the doctor away. Considering the price fluctuation, leave, absence etc average monthly expenditure on apple will be Rupees 2000/= per month. Based on the theory of averages (statisticians please excuse remembering the popular maxim “Lies, damned lies and statistics”) monthly expenditure on food items will be Rupees fifty thousand.
In order to overcome this problem, a new formula has been evolved ie; a joke a day keeps the doctor away. This is absolutely free. No registration charges and no monthly subscription. Occasionally or regularly a word or few words of appreciation or depreciation is welcome.
Joke of the day –Maharajpur (Ghaziabad) English
Some typical Maharajpur English is given below:
Both of you three are going alone?
You came just now or after some time?
How you are cutting time?
He simply passed away without wishing me
Bekar Aadmi =Carless Person(Jiske pas car nahi hai)
Unbearable Summer = Summer without beer
I
Joke of the Day-Maharajpur English
Joke a day keeps Doctor away
There is a popular proverb. “An apple a day keeps the Doctor away”. However, with the increase in price of apple (Not cost), many people find it difficult to practice it. At the prevailing price rate, it require Rupees 100/= per day for an overage family to keep the doctor away. Considering the price fluctuation, leave, absence etc average monthly expenditure on apple will be Rupees 2000/= per month. Based on the theory of averages (statisticians please excuse remembering the popular maxim “Lies, damned lies and statistics”) monthly expenditure on food items will be Rupees fifty thousand.
In order to overcome this problem, a new formula has been evolved ie; a joke a day keeps the doctor away. This is absolutely free. No registration charges and no monthly subscription. Occasionally or regularly a word or few words of appreciation or depreciation is welcome.
Joke of the day –Maharajpur (Ghaziabad) English
Some typical Maharajpur English is given below:
Both of you three are going alone?
You came just now or after some time?
How you are cutting time?
He simply passed away without wishing me
Bekar Aadmi =Carless Person(Jiske pas car nahi hai)
Unbearable Summer = Summer without beer
I
There is a popular proverb. “An apple a day keeps the Doctor away”. However, with the increase in price of apple (Not cost), many people find it difficult to practice it. At the prevailing price rate, it require Rupees 100/= per day for an overage family to keep the doctor away. Considering the price fluctuation, leave, absence etc average monthly expenditure on apple will be Rupees 2000/= per month. Based on the theory of averages (statisticians please excuse remembering the popular maxim “Lies, damned lies and statistics”) monthly expenditure on food items will be Rupees fifty thousand.
In order to overcome this problem, a new formula has been evolved ie; a joke a day keeps the doctor away. This is absolutely free. No registration charges and no monthly subscription. Occasionally or regularly a word or few words of appreciation or depreciation is welcome.
Joke of the day –Maharajpur (Ghaziabad) English
Some typical Maharajpur English is given below:
Both of you three are going alone?
You came just now or after some time?
How you are cutting time?
He simply passed away without wishing me
Bekar Aadmi =Carless Person(Jiske pas car nahi hai)
Unbearable Summer = Summer without beer
I
Joke of the Day-Wear Helmet
Joke a day keeps Doctor away
There is a popular proverb. “An apple a day keeps the Doctor away”. However, with the increase in price of apple (Not cost), many people find it difficult to practice it. At the prevailing price rate, it require Rupees 100/= per day for an overage family to keep the doctor away. Considering the price fluctuation, leave, absence etc average monthly expenditure on apple will be Rupees 2000/= per month. Based on the theory of averages (statisticians please excuse remembering the popular maxim “Lies, damned lies and statistics”) monthly expenditure on food items will be Rupees fifty thousand.
In order to overcome this problem, a new formula has been evolved ie; a joke a day keeps the doctor away. This is absolutely free. No registration charges and no monthly subscription. Occasionally or regularly a word or few words of appreciation or depreciation is welcome.
Joke of the day -1 Wear Helmet
On 27th February 2010 I was travelling from Bangalore International Airport to Jeevan Bima Nagar (My daughter’s residence) by route No BIAS 4. Passengers included one Sardarji also. From his outlook (Nothing to do with India Today, The Week, Frontline etc), he appears to be a stranger to the city. Somebody was calling him frequently, probably to know where he has reached. Sardarji could not give the answer. In the third attempt, Sardarji looked all sides viz; East, west, South, North, Front, back, top and bottom. Suddenly he said “wear Helmet”. His caller. (Who was born on Bangalore Soil but still not a Son of the Soil) could not make out the name of the place and asked Sardarji to confirm. Sardarji confidently confirmed that he read the name in a board at a crossing and adjacent to it there was another board showing the distance to Coimbatore, Cochin and Kanyakumari
i
There is a popular proverb. “An apple a day keeps the Doctor away”. However, with the increase in price of apple (Not cost), many people find it difficult to practice it. At the prevailing price rate, it require Rupees 100/= per day for an overage family to keep the doctor away. Considering the price fluctuation, leave, absence etc average monthly expenditure on apple will be Rupees 2000/= per month. Based on the theory of averages (statisticians please excuse remembering the popular maxim “Lies, damned lies and statistics”) monthly expenditure on food items will be Rupees fifty thousand.
In order to overcome this problem, a new formula has been evolved ie; a joke a day keeps the doctor away. This is absolutely free. No registration charges and no monthly subscription. Occasionally or regularly a word or few words of appreciation or depreciation is welcome.
Joke of the day -1 Wear Helmet
On 27th February 2010 I was travelling from Bangalore International Airport to Jeevan Bima Nagar (My daughter’s residence) by route No BIAS 4. Passengers included one Sardarji also. From his outlook (Nothing to do with India Today, The Week, Frontline etc), he appears to be a stranger to the city. Somebody was calling him frequently, probably to know where he has reached. Sardarji could not give the answer. In the third attempt, Sardarji looked all sides viz; East, west, South, North, Front, back, top and bottom. Suddenly he said “wear Helmet”. His caller. (Who was born on Bangalore Soil but still not a Son of the Soil) could not make out the name of the place and asked Sardarji to confirm. Sardarji confidently confirmed that he read the name in a board at a crossing and adjacent to it there was another board showing the distance to Coimbatore, Cochin and Kanyakumari
i
Joke of the Day-Namboothiri Phalitangal
Joke a day keeps Doctor away
There is a popular proverb. “An apple a day keeps the Doctor away”. However, with the increase in price of apple (Not cost), many people find it difficult to practice it. At the prevailing price rate, it require Rupees 100/= per day for an overage family to keep the doctor away. Considering the price fluctuation, leave, absence etc average monthly expenditure on apple will be Rupees 2000/= per month. Based on the theory of averages (statisticians please excuse remembering the popular maxim “Lies, damned lies and statistics”) monthly expenditure on food items will be Rupees fifty thousand.
In order to overcome this problem, a new formula has been evolved ie; a joke a day keeps the doctor away. This is absolutely free. No registration charges and no monthly subscription. Occasionally or regularly a word or few words of appreciation or depreciation is welcome.
Joke of the day -1 Namboodiri Phalithangal
Oru namboodiri mattoru namboodiriyodu: “Innathe Kalathu adhikam aalkkarkkum Cholestrol undathre”.
Matte Namboodiri : ”Engana illyandirikkya. Ikkalathu aarenkilum kolathil kulikkarundo. Pinne Kolestrol undayillengile albhuthamullu. Nammade karnonmarkkarkkenkilum kolestrol undarnnathayi kettittundo”
There is a popular proverb. “An apple a day keeps the Doctor away”. However, with the increase in price of apple (Not cost), many people find it difficult to practice it. At the prevailing price rate, it require Rupees 100/= per day for an overage family to keep the doctor away. Considering the price fluctuation, leave, absence etc average monthly expenditure on apple will be Rupees 2000/= per month. Based on the theory of averages (statisticians please excuse remembering the popular maxim “Lies, damned lies and statistics”) monthly expenditure on food items will be Rupees fifty thousand.
In order to overcome this problem, a new formula has been evolved ie; a joke a day keeps the doctor away. This is absolutely free. No registration charges and no monthly subscription. Occasionally or regularly a word or few words of appreciation or depreciation is welcome.
Joke of the day -1 Namboodiri Phalithangal
Oru namboodiri mattoru namboodiriyodu: “Innathe Kalathu adhikam aalkkarkkum Cholestrol undathre”.
Matte Namboodiri : ”Engana illyandirikkya. Ikkalathu aarenkilum kolathil kulikkarundo. Pinne Kolestrol undayillengile albhuthamullu. Nammade karnonmarkkarkkenkilum kolestrol undarnnathayi kettittundo”
Want to Become a TV Star ?
Want to become a TV Star?
Super hit Television requires the following staff for their various language channels at their studios located at different parts of the country
Anchors
Laughers/Clappers
Weepers
Job Profile:
Anchors
A They should have proficiency in any of the following languages
Hinglish
Manglish (Malayalam)
Tanglish (Tamil)
Kanglish (Kannada)
Banglish (Bengali)
Punglish (Punjabi)
B They should have bad pronunciation
C They need not have expertise of the subject of programme they are anchoring
D They should eat half of the word so that audience will guess what they are speaking
Laughers/Clappers
A Their duty is to laugh/clap during the shooting of the shows
B Even if the programme is boring (without using boring machine) they should laugh/clap
C They should be prepared to take laughter pills as prescribed by the channel
Compounder.
Weepers
A They should weep profusely during elimination round of reality shows(Even if the contestant don’t weep)
B Since their work is irregular; in order to maintain regular work they will be required to do the work of (S) weepers also
Note: This will enhance their capacity for their primary job.
C They should be prepared to use glycerine/ take weeping pills as prescribed by the channel Compounder.
Age Limit 18-80 years
Qualification For all the posts. MBA (with specialisation in the respective disciplines) from any unrecognised Indian University or recognised Underworld University
Experience Not essential but desirable. Thick skinned people who have worked with politicians or political parties will be given preference
Qualification and experience are relaxable in case of candidates otherwise suitable
Note: Candidates having exceptional copying skills will be considered for multi channels.
Remuneration Package:
1 Free boarding and Lodging at the campus
2 Out of pocket allowance Rs 101/= per day*
3 Free Uniform. (In order to improve transparency in our activities, transparent
Clothes will be given for uniform)
* This is in lieu of Basic pay, DA, DP, HRA and other allowances
Non Taxable Perks
1 Free transport from studio to place of stay after 10.0 PM
2 Unlimited phone calls within the campus
3 Full reimbursement of food charges during outstation duties subject to a maximum of Rs 100/=
4 Uniform maintenance: Surf 1kg, Soap 800 Grams, Shoe Polish 100 gm
5 200 channel TV at residence
6 Regularisation of attendance upto 30 minutes twice a month for late coming and early going
7 Picnic: Once in a month during non working hours (10 PM to 8 AM) Employees along with family will be taken for picnic/sight seeing within the
City. Eg; India Gate, Red Fort, Lodhi Garden etc
8 If the employee dies while in service, it will be shown in that day’s news
This is a diamond opportunity for people who want instant publicity. An opportunity to change from UIP (Unimportant personality) or TCP (Third class personality) to WCP (World class personality)
Here is a golden opportunity of being watched by Politicians, bureaucrats, film stars, dacoits, drunkards, black marketers etc across the globe
Temptation: TV Stars are more popular than Scientists, Engineers, Doctors, Chartered Accountants, Writers, Readers, Professors, advocates, judges, journalists, civil servants, cartoonists, artists, dancers, politicians, all walas like chaiwala, Aaloowala, narielwala, telwala etc
Super hit Television requires the following staff for their various language channels at their studios located at different parts of the country
Anchors
Laughers/Clappers
Weepers
Job Profile:
Anchors
A They should have proficiency in any of the following languages
Hinglish
Manglish (Malayalam)
Tanglish (Tamil)
Kanglish (Kannada)
Banglish (Bengali)
Punglish (Punjabi)
B They should have bad pronunciation
C They need not have expertise of the subject of programme they are anchoring
D They should eat half of the word so that audience will guess what they are speaking
Laughers/Clappers
A Their duty is to laugh/clap during the shooting of the shows
B Even if the programme is boring (without using boring machine) they should laugh/clap
C They should be prepared to take laughter pills as prescribed by the channel
Compounder.
Weepers
A They should weep profusely during elimination round of reality shows(Even if the contestant don’t weep)
B Since their work is irregular; in order to maintain regular work they will be required to do the work of (S) weepers also
Note: This will enhance their capacity for their primary job.
C They should be prepared to use glycerine/ take weeping pills as prescribed by the channel Compounder.
Age Limit 18-80 years
Qualification For all the posts. MBA (with specialisation in the respective disciplines) from any unrecognised Indian University or recognised Underworld University
Experience Not essential but desirable. Thick skinned people who have worked with politicians or political parties will be given preference
Qualification and experience are relaxable in case of candidates otherwise suitable
Note: Candidates having exceptional copying skills will be considered for multi channels.
Remuneration Package:
1 Free boarding and Lodging at the campus
2 Out of pocket allowance Rs 101/= per day*
3 Free Uniform. (In order to improve transparency in our activities, transparent
Clothes will be given for uniform)
* This is in lieu of Basic pay, DA, DP, HRA and other allowances
Non Taxable Perks
1 Free transport from studio to place of stay after 10.0 PM
2 Unlimited phone calls within the campus
3 Full reimbursement of food charges during outstation duties subject to a maximum of Rs 100/=
4 Uniform maintenance: Surf 1kg, Soap 800 Grams, Shoe Polish 100 gm
5 200 channel TV at residence
6 Regularisation of attendance upto 30 minutes twice a month for late coming and early going
7 Picnic: Once in a month during non working hours (10 PM to 8 AM) Employees along with family will be taken for picnic/sight seeing within the
City. Eg; India Gate, Red Fort, Lodhi Garden etc
8 If the employee dies while in service, it will be shown in that day’s news
This is a diamond opportunity for people who want instant publicity. An opportunity to change from UIP (Unimportant personality) or TCP (Third class personality) to WCP (World class personality)
Here is a golden opportunity of being watched by Politicians, bureaucrats, film stars, dacoits, drunkards, black marketers etc across the globe
Temptation: TV Stars are more popular than Scientists, Engineers, Doctors, Chartered Accountants, Writers, Readers, Professors, advocates, judges, journalists, civil servants, cartoonists, artists, dancers, politicians, all walas like chaiwala, Aaloowala, narielwala, telwala etc
Time Management Techniques
Time Charitable Trust
One of the problems faced by almost everybody is lack of time. Barring exceptions, nobody is having time viz: time to eat, drink, talk and not even time to breathe. They are surviving simply b because they have not completed the minimum period of Visa, issued by the God. (People who have acute shortage of time include those who watch multiple cricket matches, 10-15 mega serials per day and several reality shows from morning time to midnight) However, there is one category of people ie: Politicians who have sufficient time at their disposal. They attend all inaugurations, foundation stone laying ceremonies, exhibitions, seminars, symposiums, funerals etc. (Jealous people says that politicians steal time from public exchequer)
While everybody realise that this is a world class problem, nobody has come out with any solution. With the avowed objective of providing time to those who have no time, a non profit, non performing charitable society has been formed under the name and style “Time charitable Trust” hereinafter called as society
There are another category of people who find it difficult to cut time (“Time katna”) The society will do the simple job of collecting time from those who have extra time and distribute to those who have no time. The society is also planning to approach young people like Khushwant Singh (95), K Karunakaran (94) and other philanthropists to sign a will to donate the unexpired portion of their visa (in case they die) to the society. If you think that they are old, then everybody is old whether 90 year old, 60 year old, 10 year old or one month old.
All those who have spare time are having spare time are requested to donate to the society to make this humanitarian (animals, birds etc never complained about lack of time) cause a grand success.
The society is likely to breakeven in the 3rd year and start showing surplus in the subsequent years
Headlight (Not Tail piece): Two years ago Dr Amartya Sen wrote a book and Dr Man Mohan Singh read that book and sent his comments within one week. Poor Prime Minister. He has all the time in the world for such things including replying to a common man’s letter.
One of the problems faced by almost everybody is lack of time. Barring exceptions, nobody is having time viz: time to eat, drink, talk and not even time to breathe. They are surviving simply b because they have not completed the minimum period of Visa, issued by the God. (People who have acute shortage of time include those who watch multiple cricket matches, 10-15 mega serials per day and several reality shows from morning time to midnight) However, there is one category of people ie: Politicians who have sufficient time at their disposal. They attend all inaugurations, foundation stone laying ceremonies, exhibitions, seminars, symposiums, funerals etc. (Jealous people says that politicians steal time from public exchequer)
While everybody realise that this is a world class problem, nobody has come out with any solution. With the avowed objective of providing time to those who have no time, a non profit, non performing charitable society has been formed under the name and style “Time charitable Trust” hereinafter called as society
There are another category of people who find it difficult to cut time (“Time katna”) The society will do the simple job of collecting time from those who have extra time and distribute to those who have no time. The society is also planning to approach young people like Khushwant Singh (95), K Karunakaran (94) and other philanthropists to sign a will to donate the unexpired portion of their visa (in case they die) to the society. If you think that they are old, then everybody is old whether 90 year old, 60 year old, 10 year old or one month old.
All those who have spare time are having spare time are requested to donate to the society to make this humanitarian (animals, birds etc never complained about lack of time) cause a grand success.
The society is likely to breakeven in the 3rd year and start showing surplus in the subsequent years
Headlight (Not Tail piece): Two years ago Dr Amartya Sen wrote a book and Dr Man Mohan Singh read that book and sent his comments within one week. Poor Prime Minister. He has all the time in the world for such things including replying to a common man’s letter.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
