Come, Cook & Eat

Come, Cook and Eat.


Ignorance of the fundamentals of cooking will lead to a plethora of problems-Says E.M.ADITHYAN.

Whether cooking is an art or science is a debatable point. However, I feel that cooking is not only an art or science but also a conglomeration of all conceivable topics. There is an element of Economics, Law, History and Literature in cooking. For simplicity sake, let us call it an art. It is an art, which is difficult to master as its boundaries are infinite. No wonder, no university has introduced doctorate for cooking technology for fear of countless claimants propounding new formulas, theories and inventions. This write up is a tribute to all great cooks (crooks also) all over the Globe.

Once my spouse left for her parent’s house in Kerala leaving me alone. From next day onwards my routine underwent a sea change. After partially doing the homework, there was little time left for cooking. I took one glass of preboiled milk and two slices for my breakfast. Next day I prepared uncooked food for my breakfast-tomato slice with sugar sprinkled on it. On the following day again I managed without cooking-with-ripe mangoes and grated coconuts. With the uncooked food, it was virtually semi starvation as these can serve only as supplements to a meal and not as a substitute. A new Economic theory was emerging that there can be starvation without poverty, famine and inflation.

Since these short cut methods could not continue for long, I bought a book on cooking. After going through the book I found that it would not serve my purpose as the quantity of many items is mentioned ‘as required’. How does a person who knows nothing about cooking quantify the item as required? Further, a fresher will confront with several crises but there was no chapter on crisis management.

On the fourth day fine morning I got an idea, and accordingly I made an open offer to my friends and colleagues.
“Come, Cook and Eat”
My colleagues include unhomely men (opposite of homely women), pure bachelors and married bachelors. (In fact all are basically bachelors of various disciplines-Arts, Science, Commerce, Humanities, Engineering etc). Though I was expecting a lukewarm response, to my great surprise the response was overwhelming. I had to allot suitable dates for the applicants. In view of the over subscription, the basis of allotment was finalised without consulting any stock exchange.

On the first day it was the turn of Mr. Arora. (I allotted the dates strictly as per alphabetical order, though I could have made allotment according to my sweet will). He offered to prepare mouth watering Punjabi dishes. He gave me long list of raw materials. I had to visit several shops to get the desired items. He assumed the role of a super chef and all the ancillary duties I had to perform. I had to even fabricate super chef’s uniform by knitting Lungies and Dhoties.

Next day my guest was a Bengali Brahmin, Mr. Banerji. He gave me a preprinted list (computerised) to procure the items. Almost 50 percent of the items were new (compared to yesterday). Procurement of raw materials again took a long time. Incidentally Mr. Banerji once introduced me to his friend as his ‘Ghost’ This procedure continued for a week. I found that my cash balance was fast depleting and kitchen space had become insufficient to store extra raw materials. By this time the scheme had become popular in the office and was one of the talking points at tea. One day, I overheard that some of the so-called Superchefs who adorned my kitchen were novices. They never got an opportunity to try their experiments at their own houses because their wives knew that they would make a mockery of the cooking. For them, it was a God sent opportunity to make my kitchen an experimental theater by lavishly using the ingredients and other infrastructural facilities. I did not purchase an additional kitchen rack, since it would have further increased my cost and overheads.

During all these days none of my colleagues including those who occasionally visited my house to enjoy South Indian items like Idli, Dosa, Vada, Sambar, etc did not invite me for dinner. Then only I realised the meaning of the old adage “Those who get sumptuous meal at home only are welcome as guests”.

After one week I prepared a cost statement, which revealed that the direct material cost alone, was sufficient to have dinner at a 5 star hotel. Therefore, I decided to call it a day and short closed my offer. Fortunately, the affected people (my colleagues only) did not take recourse to legal action for the violation of the contract and claim damages!
Moral: - Cooking-theory and practice should be an integral part of school curriculum.