Holi and (Un) Holy News
By E M Adithyan
21st Century News
Education- An international crime college with headquarters at Ghaziabad will be opening shortly. Courses offered.
a) 6 months part time course in pick pocketing
b) Postgraduate Diploma in Bank robbery.
c) One year full time course in kidnapping.
2) Training Programmes:
a) 3 months specialised coaching in flattery. Faculty consists of serving and retired `Chamchas' from Government Industry and Public Sector who reached the top of the ladder through sheer `Chamchagiri' only.
PS: Special concession for Government and Public Sector Employees
b) Cooking, theory and practice for non-canteen staff.
(3) Inventions:
Computerized two-wheelers programmed to visit 100 places. Simply sit and switch on the scooter and dial the desired number (1 to 100) and it will take you to the destination. Computerised bullock-carts will be introduced after one year.
b) Electromechanical computer. No data entry is required. For eg: - just put the medical bill through the mouth and the cheque will be ready within seconds.
(4) New Century Bonanza:
Lord Brahma has issued an office order exempting Mahanagars (Mahanaraks) having a population of more than one crore from the gravity of earth. Builders can now construct houses 20000 feet above ground level in cities like Delhi, Mumbai and Kolkota after getting their plan and estimate approved by "Bogus Consultants and Architects" - the approved agency.
Indigenisation:
By the turn of the century, India will 100% Indigenise highly sophisticated food materials like Potato Chips, Masala Dosa and Aalu Parantha.
6) Matrimonial:
Matrimonial alliance is invited from unemployed youth below 30 years of age, for a 45 year old girl working in a managerial position in a multinational company. The boy need not be employed but should be well versed in cooking and other household activities
Marriage Invitation
Note: Invitees, who have no time to wait for the Barat or Dinner, can collect their coupons from the Reception. These coupons will be valid in all the outlets of Haldiram, Bikanervala, Sagar Ratna and Sharavana Bhavan upto 31st December. Coupons are transferable.
Entertainment
Zero Television will be introducing their new channel "Crime" on 1st April. Channel will show programmes on Robbery, Dacoity, Murder, Scams, Scandals, rape etc. Channel promises live telecast to the extent possible
(1) Inappropriate Names/Misnomers:
"Mulayam" Singh Tyagi, Abdul "Sharif", "Mamata"Gupta, Jaya "Lalitha".
b) PUBLIC SCHOOL-
Schools run by private parties with the Motive of making profit is called Public Schools.
c) Unparliamentary-
Unparliamentary should be the synonym of decent language in view of the type of language used in parliament.
d) CONFIDENTIAL-
It the authorities want that the message should reach all, the circular is marked confidential.
OPPOSITION-
Their duty is to oppose everything proposed by the other party.
(2) Appropriate Names:
a) Few years ago, a Plane hijacker was shot dead by security forces at the Jalandhar Airport. His name was `Museebat Singh'
b) Sometimes ago, a Plane with 370 passengers on board was hijected by a lone Sri Lankan national with a toy pistol.
His name is Eka Nayaka.
Sports
Indian Olympic Association made a request to International Olympic Committee to include India in the backward category and gave 50% concession because India is perhaps the only country where people agitate to include them in backward class. If the request is acceded Indian Athletes have to run only half distance which will substantially improve our medal prospects in future Olympics
Government initiatives.
In an all party meeting convened to discuss about national issues following decisions were taken.
1. In view of the popular demand to fix retirement sage for elected representatives, it was decided that Retirement age be fixed at 95 with a provision to extend it for another 5 years with the approval of the concerned politician. Politicians upto the age of 65 years can continue to be members/office bearers of the youth wing of the party.
2. As per the report of Transparency\y International, India's position is very low. In order to improve the transparency, it was decided that from 1st April onwards, transparent clothes will be issued to employees of Govt and Public Sector who are provided with uniform. Government will make an appeal to all other employees and general public to use transparent clothes to make India at the top of Transparency International list.
3. In order to reduce corruption in the country, it was decided to exclude elected representatives and members of the Central and State committees of all registered political parties from them purview of Prevention of Corruption Act. On the same analogy, manufactures and traders will be excluded from the purview of Prevention of Adulteration Act
4. In view of the increasing number of accidents by Blue line buses, meeting directed the Delhi Government to change the name of Blue line buses to Yellow line buses. Members blasted the Government for not following the footsteps of their predecessors in this matter which earlier changed the name of Red line buses to blue line buses.
5. Meeting expressed concern that even after 60 years of misrule, crores of people are living below poverty line,. Meeting suggested that poverty be redrawn so that crores of people who were hitherto below the poverty line will cone above the poverty line by the stroke of a pen
Politicians patted themselves on their back for the fantastic ideas which enabled them to solve the problem which was continuing for decades
.
E M Adithyan
11th March 2009
Elangalloor Mana
P.O. Edapal-679 576
Kerala
By E M Adithyan
21st Century News
Education- An international crime college with headquarters at Ghaziabad will be opening shortly. Courses offered.
a) 6 months part time course in pick pocketing
b) Postgraduate Diploma in Bank robbery.
c) One year full time course in kidnapping.
2) Training Programmes:
a) 3 months specialised coaching in flattery. Faculty consists of serving and retired `Chamchas' from Government Industry and Public Sector who reached the top of the ladder through sheer `Chamchagiri' only.
PS: Special concession for Government and Public Sector Employees
b) Cooking, theory and practice for non-canteen staff.
(3) Inventions:
Computerized two-wheelers programmed to visit 100 places. Simply sit and switch on the scooter and dial the desired number (1 to 100) and it will take you to the destination. Computerised bullock-carts will be introduced after one year.
b) Electromechanical computer. No data entry is required. For eg: - just put the medical bill through the mouth and the cheque will be ready within seconds.
(4) New Century Bonanza:
Lord Brahma has issued an office order exempting Mahanagars (Mahanaraks) having a population of more than one crore from the gravity of earth. Builders can now construct houses 20000 feet above ground level in cities like Delhi, Mumbai and Kolkota after getting their plan and estimate approved by "Bogus Consultants and Architects" - the approved agency.
Indigenisation:
By the turn of the century, India will 100% Indigenise highly sophisticated food materials like Potato Chips, Masala Dosa and Aalu Parantha.
6) Matrimonial:
Matrimonial alliance is invited from unemployed youth below 30 years of age, for a 45 year old girl working in a managerial position in a multinational company. The boy need not be employed but should be well versed in cooking and other household activities
Marriage Invitation
Note: Invitees, who have no time to wait for the Barat or Dinner, can collect their coupons from the Reception. These coupons will be valid in all the outlets of Haldiram, Bikanervala, Sagar Ratna and Sharavana Bhavan upto 31st December. Coupons are transferable.
Entertainment
Zero Television will be introducing their new channel "Crime" on 1st April. Channel will show programmes on Robbery, Dacoity, Murder, Scams, Scandals, rape etc. Channel promises live telecast to the extent possible
(1) Inappropriate Names/Misnomers:
"Mulayam" Singh Tyagi, Abdul "Sharif", "Mamata"Gupta, Jaya "Lalitha".
b) PUBLIC SCHOOL-
Schools run by private parties with the Motive of making profit is called Public Schools.
c) Unparliamentary-
Unparliamentary should be the synonym of decent language in view of the type of language used in parliament.
d) CONFIDENTIAL-
It the authorities want that the message should reach all, the circular is marked confidential.
OPPOSITION-
Their duty is to oppose everything proposed by the other party.
(2) Appropriate Names:
a) Few years ago, a Plane hijacker was shot dead by security forces at the Jalandhar Airport. His name was `Museebat Singh'
b) Sometimes ago, a Plane with 370 passengers on board was hijected by a lone Sri Lankan national with a toy pistol.
His name is Eka Nayaka.
Sports
Indian Olympic Association made a request to International Olympic Committee to include India in the backward category and gave 50% concession because India is perhaps the only country where people agitate to include them in backward class. If the request is acceded Indian Athletes have to run only half distance which will substantially improve our medal prospects in future Olympics
Government initiatives.
In an all party meeting convened to discuss about national issues following decisions were taken.
1. In view of the popular demand to fix retirement sage for elected representatives, it was decided that Retirement age be fixed at 95 with a provision to extend it for another 5 years with the approval of the concerned politician. Politicians upto the age of 65 years can continue to be members/office bearers of the youth wing of the party.
2. As per the report of Transparency\y International, India's position is very low. In order to improve the transparency, it was decided that from 1st April onwards, transparent clothes will be issued to employees of Govt and Public Sector who are provided with uniform. Government will make an appeal to all other employees and general public to use transparent clothes to make India at the top of Transparency International list.
3. In order to reduce corruption in the country, it was decided to exclude elected representatives and members of the Central and State committees of all registered political parties from them purview of Prevention of Corruption Act. On the same analogy, manufactures and traders will be excluded from the purview of Prevention of Adulteration Act
4. In view of the increasing number of accidents by Blue line buses, meeting directed the Delhi Government to change the name of Blue line buses to Yellow line buses. Members blasted the Government for not following the footsteps of their predecessors in this matter which earlier changed the name of Red line buses to blue line buses.
5. Meeting expressed concern that even after 60 years of misrule, crores of people are living below poverty line,. Meeting suggested that poverty be redrawn so that crores of people who were hitherto below the poverty line will cone above the poverty line by the stroke of a pen
Politicians patted themselves on their back for the fantastic ideas which enabled them to solve the problem which was continuing for decades
.
E M Adithyan
11th March 2009
Elangalloor Mana
P.O. Edapal-679 576
Kerala
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