Mind Your Language

Mind Your Language


…Before others do it for you says E.M.Adithyan

The Staff working in the offices of senior executives love to flaunt the little English that they know. The results may be disastrous but they never do give up.

One day in the absence of the Private Secretary, a peon was occupying his seat. The phone rang. “Can I talk to General Manager?” asked the caller. The peon knows that the GM was not in his seat and therefore replied, “Sir, he is no more.” There was a stunned silence. After the initial shock, the caller suggested that the GM may be around some where. The peon went to look for the GM and found he had just left the office. He came back and replied, “Sir, he was here sometime back but just now he passed away.”

Once a security guard allowed one of his relatives inside the factory. The relative stayed there overnight and died in the factory premises. The Security Officer sent a report to the Corporate Office which read as follows: “Mr. Dharampal allowed his relative to stay inside the factory and his relative died on the same night with out taking permission.”

There’s also the case of the senior officer who was fed up with the spate of phone calls he received everyday. He told his new PA that such calls need not be transferred to him. As for persistent visitors who claimed they had come all the way from Mumbai or Chennai just to discuss something urgent with him, the officer said they could be politely told, “Sorry sir, everybody says that.” During the day the Boss’s wife called many times but the PA did not put through the call to the Boss. Infuriated, she stormed into the office and was just about to enter her husband’s cabin when the PA stopped her, “Sorry madam, Boss is very busy, you can’t go inside.” The lady shouted, “It is very urgent and besides, I am his wife.” Retorted the PA “Sorry madam, everybody says that.”

But why poke fun at the lower level staff alone. Many senior officials make awful gaffes too. Here’s an instance: an employee had gone to meet a senior officer. He opened the door a little and peeped in. Said the officer in a patronising tone. “Why are you outstanding? Please income.”



Then there are these interesting replies picked up from interviews:

For the post of Accountant:
Q: What is the difference between single entry and double entry?
A: If you multiply the single entry by two, it will become a double entry.

For the post of Material Control Officer:
Q: Can you define material?
A: Anything, which is not immaterial, is material.

For the post of PA
Q: What is the difference between AGM(PA) and PA to AGM?
A: Practically no difference. In one case PA is prefixed and in the other it is suffixed.

For the post of Medical Officer.
Q: What is the difference between hospitalisation and hospitality?
A: Post hospitalisation treatment is hospitality.

Then there was this extraordinary reply to an advertisement for the post of graduate stenographer: “Eventhough, I am not a graduate, my English is far better than the so- called bachelors. Inaccuracy in typing is unknown to me. My speed in shorthand is fantastic.”